New 'Got Milk?' Ad Not a Hit With MLB

SAN FRANCISCO (AP)

The latest "Got Milk?" commercial hit a little too close to home for Major League Baseball. Poking fun at the league's steroid scandal, the television ad for the California Milk Processor Board talks about a player getting pulled from a game "after testing positive for a performance-enhancing substance."

In the next scene, a coach pulls a carton of milk from the slugger's locker.
"There is nothing humorous about steroid abuse," said Tim Brosnan, executive vice president for business for the league. "I would think that the California Milk Processor Board and their advertising agency would know better regarding an issue that threatens America's youth."
The 30-second spot is part of a new "Got Milk?" series that began airing during the baseball playoffs.

Jeff Goodby, co-founder of the San Francisco advertising agency Goodby, Silverstein & Partners, which has produced the memorable campaign since 1993, said the ad was never meant to be taken so seriously.

"It's just milk," Goodby said. "Believe me, we know parody is based on a serious topic. So we wanted to make sure that it was goofy enough so that people didn't get upset."
He said ad was meant to deliver the message that "milk is good for you, that milk actually does many of the things that people hope those wonder drugs might do for them and does so naturally."

On the Net:
Got Milk? ads: http://www.gotmilk.com/fun/pouring.html
Major League Baseball: http://www.mlb.com

Doctor Sued for Using Sex as Treatment

An Oregon woman is suing her doctor for treating her back pain with sexual intercourse, according to Yahoo! News.

A $4 million lawsuit was filed against Randall Smith, who billed Oregon Health Plan $5000 for 45 minute sessions with the woman in which he administered "treatment" in the form of sexual intercourse. Smith, who convinced the woman that having sex with him would "help alleviate her lower back and lower extremity pain", was stripped of his medical license last year and sent to jail for sixty days following the incident. The lawsuit, filed in Multnomah County court this week, cited intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress. Smith pleaded guilty to submitting false health care claims but was adamant that the sex with his patient was consensual.

Dust to dust to ... diamonds? US firm turns cremated remains into precious gems

CHICAGO (AFP) - Everyone said she was a gem. Now, just eight ounces of cremated remains is all it takes to turn your mother into a diamond.

In fact, there's enough carbon in those ashes to make about 20 gems. And there will still be several pounds of ashes left over to display on the mantelpiece.

So far, nobody's ordered more than 11 diamonds, said Dean VandenBiesen, vice president of operations for LifeGem, which uses super-hot ovens to transform ashes to graphite and then presses the stone into blue and yellow diamonds that retail for anywhere from 2,700 to 20,000 dollars.

"It's not for everyone," VandenBiesen admitted, adding that for those who do chose to immortalize their loved ones in jewelry, the experience is extremely positive.

"We have people that approach us who have just experienced a tragedy and they say I can't wait, I'm so excited about this," he said. "In the field of death care, when someone says I'm really excited about this, I think we've achieved what we wanted to do which is change the culture of death."

The success of LifeGem is just one example of a radical shift in the funeral industry, said Mark Musgrove, immediate past president of the National Funeral Directors Association.
Americans are moving away from traditional funerals and are seeking instead less somber occasions that reflect the personality of the deceased.

They are also looking for alternative ways to remember their loved ones.
While a decline in religiosity has contributed to the shift, Musgrove said it's mainly a reflection of a cultural phenomenon.

"Back in the 60's the baby boomers were getting married in scuba gear," he said. "They're getting older and they have the same individualism."

A quick stroll through the exhibition hall of association's annual conference shows just how far the 11-billion dollar US funeral home industry has moved towards "personalization."
Jeff Barrette is leaning on a maroon motorcycle, his leather vest and scull and crossbones bandana a striking change from the dark suits of most of his customers.

Displayed in his booth are urns made out of the engine cylinders of Harley Davidsons and mounted on stands with epitaphs like "Rider's Last Rest," which doubles as the company's name.

"It holds 270 cubic inches -- you could fit a big guy in there," Barrette told a potential customer, before explaining that the urn's carrying case is specially constructed to fit on the back of a bike in case "you want to take your buddy for a ride."

Demand for the 1,350 dollar hand-made urns has been slow, Barrette said, but that's to be expected in a niche market.

Memorial videos and websites, however, are a bustling business, said Joe Joachim, president of funeralOne, who has signed up 1,500 funeral homes in the past five months.

"Our ultimate goal is creating the ultimate funeral experience," Joachim said. "We want to make this a celebration of life and take it to the next level."

FuneralOne offers software that allows funeral homes to help families create videos, burn them onto DVDs and even make personalized brochures and websites. It also offers webcasting services so people who can't make the funeral can watch online.

The two-and-a-half-year-old company has recently partnered with another firm which makes solar-powered video screens that can be mounted on a tombstone and play a 5 to 10 minute tribute.

The 7-inch (18 cm) serenity panels will hit the market in January and Vidstone and chief executive officer Sergio Aguirre said he expects to sell up to 100,000 in the first year.

"Everyone has a story to tell, and what better way than to share it?" he said.

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Python Bursts After Trying to Eat Gator

By DENISE KALETTE, Associated Press Writer Wed Oct 5, 4:04 PM ET
MIAMI

The alligator has some foreign competition at the top of the Everglades food chain, and the results of the struggle are horror-movie messy.

A 13-foot Burmese python recently burst after it apparently tried to swallow a live, six-foot alligator whole, authorities said.

The incident has heightened biologists' fears that the nonnative snakes could threaten a host of other animal species in the Everglades.

"It means nothing in the Everglades is safe from pythons, a top-down predator," said Frank Mazzotti, a University of Florida wildlife professor.

Over the years, many pythons have been abandoned in the Everglades by pet owners.
The gory evidence of the latest gator-python encounter — the fourth documented in the past three years — was discovered and photographed last week by a helicopter pilot and wildlife researcher.

The snake was found with the gator's hindquarters protruding from its midsection. Mazzotti said the alligator may have clawed at the python's stomach as the snake tried to digest it.
In previous incidents, the alligator won or the battle was an apparent draw.

"There had been some hope that alligators can control Burmese pythons," Mazzotti said. "This indicates to me it's going to be an even draw. Sometimes alligators are going to win and sometimes the python will win."

It is unknown how many pythons are competing with the thousands of alligators in the Everglades, but at least 150 have been captured in the past two years, said Joe Wasilewski, a wildlife biologist and crocodile tracker.

Pythons could threaten many smaller species that conservationists are trying to protect, including other reptiles, otters, squirrels, woodstorks and sparrows, Mazzotti said.

Wasilewski said a 10- or 20-foot python also could pose a risk to an unwary human, especially a child. He added, however, "I don't think this is an imminent threat. This is not a `Be afraid, be very afraid' situation.'"

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